“For he is the kind of person who is always thinking about the cost. ‘Eat and drink,’ he says to you, but his heart is not with you. | Proverbs 23:7
Remember, Your Outcome Begins in Your Mind-set
Ever glance off at a pretty sunset only to feel your car tires jarring along the roadside? Truth is, if we focus exclusively on driving between the yellow lines, we avoid veering. We can apply this principle to our life and marriage as well.
Napoleon Hill once wrote, “Every man is what he is, because of the dominating thoughts which he permits to occupy his mind.” He’s not alone in his thinking. Thought leaders throughout time agree that our outcome begins in our mindset. We find what we look for. We become what we think about. Their wisdom suggests that when we focus on fixing our issues, we unwittingly perpetuate our problems. However, when we focus on our desired outcome, aligning our thoughts with God’s purpose, we reap the benefits of living His design for our marriage.
As a couple, what do you tend to talk about? Where do your thoughts most naturally gravitate?
If you want to live a higher way of living—God’s way of living—in your marriage, create new habits of thinking. Instead of thinking and talking about your obstacles, consider God’s purpose. Instead of focusing on the problems in your relationship, consider what you both agree on and desire as an end result. Instead of pondering what you want to change about your spouse, consider how your differences make you stronger. Envision your desired outcome and welcome God’s perfect plan for your marriage, knowing your outcome begins in your mindset.
Father, empower us to see your vision instead of our obstacles. We want to celebrate your unique purpose for our marriage and see the beauty in our individual design.
For no other reason than because they can. It is some kind of right of passage. You can’t really control it, but you can direct it. Spitting is forbidden anywhere someone might be walking. This, of course, brought on a whole new debate, but at least people weren’t dodging our boys’ spit.
If there is snow falling, snowballs will be flying and so is anything else boys can find to use as a projectile object. It is part of boys’ brains, taking objects and propelling them somehow through the air. I couldn’t stop the throwing of snowballs by my husband or our sons, but I could minimize the damage by limiting the target. “When throwing snowballs at your sister aim below the head.”
Males’ level of sympathy and empathy is a bit different than that of girls. Where girls first instinct is to run over to a friend who has fallen or hit in sensitive areas of the body to see if they are okay, boys first instinct is to cringe first and then laugh hysterically. There is no age limit to this reaction and apparently, this reaction never gets old.
Males are doers. They think in verbs. They think in motion. Females think in nouns. They think in detail and description. Let’s face it ladies, we talk too much and think we can solve all problems and situations with words. We can’t. Actually, males (of all ages) tune out about word five. So do yourself a favor; make your words count, use as few as possible and brush up on your verbs.
Words can be overrated to boys. Monday through Friday, your son has spent the equivalent of a full time job sitting in a classroom. Try not to ask about his day or how he is doing unless he speaks first. Give him time to process his day and decompress by playing, eating, hanging out with friends, or limited screen time. Later, ask about his day with a well thought out question over dinner, shooting
When your boys choose to complete a task differently than you would complete it, before you tell him it is wrong, pause, take a deep breathe and ask yourself if it is wrong or is it just different than you would do it? Mom’s way is not always the right way or the only way.
Mark Twain once said, “I never let schooling interfere with my education.” Boys are naturally curious and even though it might be a bit scary to watch them in action, try not to jump in immediately. Observe, take note and don’t assume you know what they are thinking. There is more to exploring and learning than what is being taught in classrooms.
For years, our son Luke would only read Calvin and Hobbes. His teachers would constantly try and get him to expand his horizons to no avail. What I learned from Calvin and Hobbes was through wit, wisdom, and humor there was a whole lot of reality concerning “Boy World”. Looking at this mystical world through the eyes of a
