4 Things I Wish I’d Known Before “I Do”
It’s hard to know what you don’t know until you’ve been to a place you’ve never been. This is especially true in marriage, and there are new challenges every day. Here are some things you might find you wished you knew for just after the wedding.
1 // There will be trouble.
You’re not living with your clone, so don’t be surprised when you have conflict. You are two individuals trying to figure out how to share a life together. That’s not an easy feat.
2 // There will be differences in what you expect.
Going into marriage, even if you’ve talked about your expectations with each other, there will be things you forgot to mention or didn’t think would be a big deal. Expectations, especially unspoken expectations, can make it really hard to live with someone. Go in with an open mind and a willingness to talk about your experiences and expect to compromise.
3 // Sex may not be what you thought it would be.
This is particularly true if you’re both virgins. The tendency is to believe it’ll be the best time ever, and there will be fireworks and the whole thing will be enjoyable. At first, it might not. You’ve never done this before with each other, so don’t worry if it takes time to figure it all out. Be patient with each other and yourselves, and understand that it will work out and you’ll grow into it. If you have concerns about this, talk to a marriage counselor. That way you won’t have to be freaked out about the whole experience, especially if it’s not what you always dreamed of.
4 // Be willing to “leave and cleave.”
One of the hardest things that has to happen when two people get married is that they have to leave their blood relatives. A marriage is meant for two people. As soon as more than that number are involved, everything gets complicated. There are too many cooks in the kitchen or players on the field. Merging your traditions with the traditions of your spouse can be difficult, but if it’s not done well it can make everything harder. Look to your parents as mentors, but don’t be afraid to not do what they say. They are a resource, but ultimately this is your marriage and will be your family. Start new with this other person, and be okay with the struggle that beginning can create.
If you want help working through these or other struggles as you start out in your marriage, please send us an email. We’d love to work with you and help you begin to work through your differences and build a solid foundation for the years to come.