At 2 AM, Jane’s phone buzzes. It’s her 78-year-old dad calling from the emergency room after another fall. As she throws on clothes and rushes out the door, she can’t help but think: “When did I become the parent?”

Sound familiar? For many of us in our 50s and 60s, caring for aging parents while still parenting young adult children has become our new reality. This season brings unique challenges, but it also offers profound opportunities to honor our parents, serve God, and model Christ-like love to those around us.

Learning how to care for aging parents isn’t just about practical logistics—it’s about navigating a complex relationship shift with grace, wisdom and faith. It’s real, it’s messy, and through Christ, something beautiful and new can emerge from this sacred season.

Here are six key insights to help in your journey of caring for aging parents well.

1. ALLOW FOR GRIEF, OFFER GRACE

Change is hard, especially when it involves watching the people who once cared for us become dependent on our care. Let’s be honest: this season can feel overwhelming. You might find yourself grieving on a Tuesday morning, frustrated on Wednesday afternoon, and feeling guilty about both emotions by Thursday.

These feelings don’t make you a bad child; they make you human.

Grieving What Was

You’re mourning the loss of how things used to be. The dynamic parent who taught you how to ride a bike or helped you through your first heartbreak may now struggle to remember your name or need help with basic tasks. This loss deserves acknowledgment and processing.

Understanding Their Grief Too

Your parents are experiencing their own grief. Just as your teenagers fought for their independence, your elderly parents are reluctant to surrender theirs. They may feel embarrassed about needing assistance or frustrated by their changing abilities.

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.” Ecclesiastes 3:1

This is a new season, filled with unfamiliar responsibilities and sometimes uncomfortable changes. Giving yourself permission to grieve what’s been lost—and offering grace for both you and your parents—is foundational to moving forward with compassion.

Even here, God is present. Isaiah 43:18-19 encourages us: “Forget the former things, do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.”

2. COMMUNICATION IS KEY

The caregiver relationship works best when it’s built on mutual respect and ongoing conversation. This often means listening more than talking—a skill that requires intentional practice.

Ask the Right Questions

Take time to understand your parents’ wants, needs, and goals for this stage of life:

• What are their biggest fears about aging?
• What brings them comfort and joy?
• Which aspects of independence matter most to them?
• How can you support them without taking over?

Approach as a Team

Let them know you’re not trying to take control away from them; you’re trying to support them in maintaining as much autonomy as possible. Your role is to be their advocate, not their dictator.

Be Patient + Persistent

Aging can be frightening, and your parents may resist sharing changes in their health or hide symptoms out of fear. Expect resistance. Respond with patience. Keep showing up with love.

Remember: It may take several conversations to make real progress. Include your parents in decisions about their care whenever possible—they are still adults with agency.

3. DEVELOP A SUPPORT SYSTEM

You weren’t meant to carry this responsibility alone. God designed us for community, and caring for aging parents is definitely a community project.

Family Support

• Involve siblings and other family members in both decision-making and actual caregiving
• If you’re an only child, consider family friends, neighbors, or fellow church members
• Be clear about expectations and divide responsibilities fairly

Community Resources

Support can take many forms:

• Bringing meals or groceries
• Making regular visits
• Helping with household chores
• Providing transportation to appointments
• Simply being someone to talk to

Find Your People

Don’t underestimate the value of connecting with others in similar situations. Consider joining a group at Mission Hills Church or in the community. Online forums for adult children caring for aging parents can offer both practical advice and emotional support from people who truly understand your journey.

4. PLAN AHEAD

While you can’t predict every challenge that lies ahead, thoughtful planning can reduce stress and honor your parents’ preferences.

Have the Conversation Now

Discuss different scenarios while your parents are still able to participate fully in decision-making. Your parents may be completely independent now, but what happens if that changes?

Practical Planning Checklist

• Housing: Research in-home care options and tour assisted living facilities before they’re needed
• Medical: Understand their healthcare preferences and current medications
• Financial: Discuss their financial situation and monthly expenses
• Legal: Ensure important documents are up-to-date and accessible:
  • Wills and trusts
  • Powers of attorney (financial and medical)
  • Healthcare directives
  • Insurance policies

Local Resources

Living in Colorado, consider researching:

• Area Agency on Aging resources
• Local senior centers and programs
• Nearby medical facilities and specialists
• Transportation services for seniors

These conversations can be difficult, but they are acts of love that provide clarity and peace of mind for everyone involved.

5. SET BOUNDARIES

Even in close families, there are limits to what you can (and should) do. Setting boundaries is not selfish—it’s wise.

Know Your Limits

Be honest about what you are and aren’t willing or able to do. You might be happy to manage medications and doctors’ appointments but uncomfortable with assisting with personal care. That’s completely okay.

Professional Help

A home health aide or professional caregiver can step in for tasks that feel too personal or overwhelming. This isn’t a failure—it’s wisdom.

Communicate with Love

What matters most is that your boundaries are:

• Clear and specific
• Communicated with love and respect
• Rooted in mutual understanding

Remember: You can love your parents deeply while still maintaining your own family relationships, work responsibilities, and personal well-being. Knowing your limits will keep burnout at bay and help preserve the relationship long-term.

6. ENSURE SELF-CARE

Caring for aging parents can be emotionally taxing and physically draining. It’s tempting to give everything you have, but eventually, your tank will run dry.

Prioritize the Basics

• Eat well and stay hydrated
• Get regular and adequate sleep
• Move your body (even a 10-minute walk helps)
• Spend time outdoors and enjoy nature
• Say “yes” to help when it’s offered

Spiritual Renewal

Most importantly, don’t neglect your relationship with God in this season. He is your ultimate source of strength, wisdom, and peace. Regular time in Scripture can provide the perspective and endurance you need for the long haul.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28

Don’t just read those words—receive them.

LIVING THIS SEASON WELL

Parenting your parents well isn’t about having all the answers or managing everything perfectly. It’s about approaching this season with the same heart that Christ shows us—full of grace, patience, and sacrificial love.

Your parents once changed your diapers, stayed up with you when you were sick, and worried about your future. Now you can return that care in ways that honor both them and God.

A Legacy of Love

This season also provides a powerful example for your own children as they observe how you treat your parents. What legacy of love and respect do you want to model for them?

Relationship Over Tasks

Remember that caring for aging parents is ultimately about relationships, not just tasks. There are medications to manage and appointments to coordinate, but under it all is the gift of family. Find moments to simply enjoy your parents’ company. Ask about their memories, listen to their stories, and look for occasions to laugh together.

WHERE YOU ARE RIGHT NOW

Maybe you’re already in the thick of daily decisions for your parents’ care. Maybe you’re just starting to notice the signs that they need more help. Wherever you are in this journey, remember:

• You are not alone
• You are not failing
• You are exactly where God can meet you with strength, wisdom, and grace

This isn’t just a caregiving assignment. It’s a sacred opportunity to love well and live like Jesus through service, sacrifice, and Spirit-led grace.

✏️  AUTHOR CREDITS

This blog was written by the Mission Hills Church Communications Team.