Sometimes the offense is small, like being left out of a group text or passed over for credit at work. Other times, it cuts much deeper – a broken promise, a breach of trust, or emotional neglect from someone close to us.

And while most of us want to be forgiving people, when the offense feels unjustified or the person is unrepentant, the words “I forgive you” can catch in our throats.

Why Forgiveness is So Hard

Forgiveness sits at the very heart of the Bible, yet it remains one of the most challenging aspects of living like Jesus. We know we should forgive, but we don’t always want to – especially when the people who hurt us refuse to acknowledge the pain they’ve caused.

There’s no shame in finding forgiveness difficult. It can feel unnatural, even unjust. But Christian forgiveness is rooted in something revolutionary: grace that flows regardless of worthiness.

How do we do it? How do we forgive someone who doesn’t deserve it? Let’s take a closer look at what forgiveness really means, why it matters, and how you can begin to walk in the freedom that forgiveness offers – not just for their sake, but for yours.

Forgiveness is Foundational

Forgiveness isn’t just a nice-to-have in the Christian life – it’s foundational.

We forgive because we’ve been forgiven. Romans 5:8 says, “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

Think about it. Jesus didn’t wait for us to clean up our act or make amends before extending grace. He loved us at our lowest and forgave us before we asked.

Forgiveness, then, is not about what the other person deserves. It’s about what we’ve already received.

Remember How You Were Forgiven

When we struggle to forgive others, it helps to reflect on how Jesus has forgiven us. We didn’t earn his grace. We don’t deserve it. But he gave it anyway.

If we’re honest, we’ve all been on the other side of the equation. We’ve been the one who didn’t say sorry. The one who hurt someone else without realizing it – or maybe even while knowing it.

God’s forgiveness is our model. When forgiveness feels impossible, start by remembering how God forgave you and let that grace soften your heart toward others.

Realize the Benefits

God instructs us to forgive because he knows it’s good for us. Forgiveness releases the burden of anger and resentment from our own hearts. The truth is that forgiveness benefits the forgiver as much, if not more, than those who are forgiven.

When we hold onto bitterness, we’re the ones who suffer. We replay the offense. We lose sleep. We become consumed by scenarios of revenge or justice. Forgiveness frees us from that prison of pain.

Studies show that forgiving others can:

• • Reduce stress
  • Improve relationships
  • Lower blood pressure and improve overall health
  • Strengthen spiritual and emotional well-being

God designed forgiveness for our spiritual renewal, mental health, and emotional freedom. It’s not just a nice idea – it’s essential for our wholeness.

Understand What Forgiveness Is (and Isn’t)

Sometimes we resist forgiveness because we misunderstand it.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean:

• • Excusing or forgetting what was done
  • Trusting the person again immediately
  • Ignoring the need for justice or accountability
  • Allowing yourself to be hurt repeatedly

Forgiveness does mean:

• • Giving the situation – big or small – over to God (Romans 12:19)
  • Releasing your right to hold onto bitterness
  • Choosing peace over poisonous feelings
  • Refusing to let the offense define your future

Forgiveness is about your heart’s freedom, not about letting others off the hook. You can forgive someone while still maintaining healthy boundaries or seeking appropriate justice through proper channels.

Let God Be the Judge

There’s real comfort in knowing that God sees everything. When someone hurts you and never apologizes, it feels like injustice wins. But God never asks you to ignore justice – he just asks you not to carry the weight of it alone.

“It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord in Romans 12:19.

When you forgive, you’re not saying what the person did is okay. You’re saying, “I’m giving this to God. He is the only one righteous enough to deal with it.”

Letting go of the need for revenge opens the door for God’s peace to enter your heart.

Pray for the Strength You Don’t Have

Forgiveness is often not a one-time act. It’s a process, and one that we may have to repeat again and again. Some days we will feel like we have forgiven the person, and other days the pain will come rushing back. That’s completely normal.

Jesus addresses this reality in Matthew 18:22. When Peter asks how often we are to forgive, suggesting a seemingly generous seven times, Jesus responds, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.”

Jesus isn’t telling us to keep a tally of times we forgive until we hit a magic number. We are simply to forgive. And to keep on forgiving.

God knows how difficult this can be. Remember that you can tell him when it is. Any time you struggle to forgive, pray this honestly: “God, I don’t want to forgive them. But I want to want to. Help me.” This prayer acknowledges your struggle while opening your heart to God’s transforming work.

The Holy Spirit gives us supernatural strength to do what feels impossible. Lean into that power when your own strength runs out.

It Comes From God

The Lord’s Prayer teaches us to ask God, “forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors” (Matthew 6:12). This verse emphasizes the reciprocal nature of forgiveness—our forgiveness of others flows from the forgiveness we’ve received.

Ephesians 4:32 puts it beautifully: “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” We’re called to forgive others in the same way God forgives us—without limit and in full.

Forgiveness connects us more deeply with God. It’s a powerful act of obedience to his word and a tangible way we can show God’s mercy and love to those around us. When we choose forgiveness, we’re reflecting God’s character to a watching world.

Look to the Cross

Ultimately, the strength to forgive others comes not from our own ability but from the cross of Christ. When we consider Jesus’s own words – “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34) – we realize he forgave the very people who mocked, tortured, and crucified him.

Jesus forgave not because they deserved it, but because God’s love required it. He gives each of us the same strength to forgive through the Holy Spirit.

The cross reminds us that forgiveness is costly – it cost Jesus everything. It also reminds us that forgiveness is possible, no matter how deep the wound or how undeserving the offender.

Taking the Next Step

So how do you practically forgive someone who doesn’t deserve it? Start here:

Make the choice

Forgiveness begins with a decision, not a feeling. You don’t have to feel like forgiving—you just have to choose to forgive. The feelings often follow the decision.

Pray for them

This might feel impossible at first, but praying for those who hurt you softens your heart toward them. Start simple: “God, bless them.” You’ll be amazed how this changes your perspective.

Focus on your own healing

Don’t wait for an apology that might never come. Begin your healing process now. Consider counseling, join a support group, or simply spend time in God’s presence asking for his healing touch.

Set healthy boundaries

Forgiveness doesn’t mean giving someone unlimited access to hurt you again. Protect yourself while keeping your heart open to God’s work.

Remember it’s a process

Give yourself grace as you work through forgiveness. Some days will be harder than others, and that’s okay.

Become Like Jesus

At Mission Hills Church, we believe that forgiveness is one of the most powerful ways we can become like Jesus and join him on mission. When we choose to forgive the undeserving, we’re living out the very heart of the gospel – unmerited grace that transforms lives.

We’d love to support you on this journey. Whether you’re wrestling with forgiveness for the first time or walking through a particularly difficult season, you don’t have to do it alone.

Our Life Groups provide a safe space to process these challenges with others who understand. Our pastoral care team is also available to walk alongside you as you navigate the complex path of forgiveness.

Step Into Freedom

The journey of forgiveness isn’t easy, but it’s always worth it. When we choose to forgive someone who doesn’t deserve it, we’re not just obeying God. We’re stepping into the freedom and healing he has for us. In that freedom, we discover that forgiveness isn’t just about them. It’s about becoming the person God created us to be.

✏️  AUTHOR CREDITS

This blog was written by the Mission Hills Church Communications Team.