Finding a Christian mentor can feel incredibly awkward. Like, “Am I asking them on a spiritual date?” awkward. You want to grow. You know mentorship is biblical and have seen that come to life in the relationship of Paul and Timothy in the New Testament, but initiating that kind of relationship can feel intimidating.

• • What if they say no?
  • What if it’s weird?
  • What if you don’t know where to look?

The good news is, you’re not alone in feeling this way and it is possible.  Here’s some practical advice to help you move forward:

1. Remember Our Helper Is Near

When we think about guidance in our spiritual journey, it’s important to start with the one who walks with us every step of the way: the Holy Spirit. The very one who Jesus referred to as our helper and advocate (John 14:26). The Holy Spirit brings wisdom, conviction, comfort, and direction. He knows our hearts better than we do and intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.

So, before we talk about finding a mentor, let’s remember that we’re never without help. And while he is our first and most faithful guide, in his wisdom, God often leads us to grow through people too—living examples of faith who can walk beside us in community.

2. Pray For Direction + Discernment

Before you make a move, bring your desire to God. Ask him to prepare your heart for a mentoring relationship and to guide you to the right person. Ask the Holy Spirit to give you discernment and peace. Sometimes he prompts us toward people we wouldn’t have considered. And sometimes, he says “not yet.” That’s okay too!

3. Start Close To Home

Mentors don’t need to be strangers or spiritual celebrities. Look around your current circles: your church, small group, Bible study, or campus ministry. Is there someone whose walk with Jesus you admire? Maybe a bit older, or just further along in a specific area you’re growing in, like faith, marriage, parenting, discipline, leadership, etc. The best mentors are usually people already doing life around you.

4. Take Small Steps

Asking someone to be your “mentor” can feel heavy or intimidating to them—like they’ve just been handed a job application. Instead, start small:

• • “Could I take you to coffee and ask you some questions about how you’ve grown in your faith?”
  • “I’ve been trying to get better at reading Scripture regularly—would you be willing to share what’s helped you?”

Start with one conversation. Let it grow naturally if it’s a good fit.

5. Manage Expectations

As things progress, if you’re sensing this could be a more intentional mentoring relationship, it’s okay to name that. Just keep it light and flexible: “I’ve really appreciated our conversations—would you be open to meeting more regularly for a while, maybe once a month, to talk about spiritual growth?”

Mentorship doesn’t have to mean lifelong weekly meetings. Set realistic expectations that work for both of you.

6. Be Teachable And Reachable

If someone says yes, treat it like the gift it is. Show up prepared, ask thoughtful questions, and be honest about your struggles. Don’t expect them to have all the answers—they’re learning too—but value their experience. And keep in mind: they’re offering their time, not a program. A humble, teachable attitude goes a long way.

7. Keep An Eye On The Big Picture

Sometimes the chemistry just isn’t there, or life seasons shift. That’s okay. It doesn’t mean you’ve failed or that mentorship “isn’t for you.” Keep praying, keep growing, and keep seeking community. Often, God uses more than one person to shape us over time.

8. Stay Flexible

Mentorship doesn’t have to look like formal meetings across a coffee table. It might look like serving alongside someone, being part of a Life Group, or even following a godly example from a distance, like a pastor, leader, or teacher whose life and teaching inspire you.

Final Thought

Mentorship isn’t about perfection. That person who seems to have it all together is just as imperfect as we all are. You’re looking for someone walking faithfully with Jesus, who’s a few steps ahead and willing to walk with you too.

So, ask the Spirit for courage. Start the conversation. Personal growth is an indispensable part of becoming closer to God, which is the most meaningful journey you’ll ever take!